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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25751464">all my life i’ve felt this way</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/aryasbadbenergy/pseuds/aryasbadbenergy'>aryasbadbenergy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>arya x gendry week 2020 [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Game of Thrones (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Discussions of sex, F/M, Secret Talents, Smut, The Brotherhood Without Banners (ASoIaF), arya x gendry week 2020, not happy ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:55:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,971</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25751464</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/aryasbadbenergy/pseuds/aryasbadbenergy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>arya and gendry give into their feelings for each other before arya finds out her brother has taken the north back</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Arya Stark/Gendry Waters</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>arya x gendry week 2020 [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1862914</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>all my life i’ve felt this way</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>We say goodbye in the pouring rain</strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>And I break down as you walk away</strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>Stay, stay</strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>‘Cause all my life I felt this way</strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>But I could never find the words to say</strong>
  <br/>
  <strong>Stay, stay</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Stay ~ Hurts</strong>
</p><p>Their first stop was the Twins. They tried to take Arya back to her mother and brother, but they died before the Brotherhood had even arrived at the wedding. </p><p>They wanted her to be brought to Lady Arryn next, but Lady Arryn died before they arrived there, too. </p><p>Arya wanted to go to Wall, but she couldn’t travel there herself being only a girl of five and ten, and the Brotherhood was sure to be forced to join the Night’s Watch for their crimes if they were caught taking her there.</p><p>But then they found out the Boltens had taken the North, and Jon died at his post, and talk of Arya going back North was forgotten.</p><p>The Bolten bastard claimed to be a legitimized son now, and had taken <em> Arya Stark </em> as his bride. The Brotherhood agreed her identity needed to be kept even more secretive than before, and decided she couldn’t ride with them anymore. They left her in the burned village near the Crossroads Inn, and Gendry was to open the forge up again. </p><p>Arya was given a league to wander around the inn, but if she suspected any trouble, she was supposed to return to the inn immediately. </p><p>Gendry doesn’t believe that she stayed in the league range when she told him she happened upon her lost direwolf, Nymeria, but he figures that she can go as far as she likes as long as Nymeria accompanies her. </p><p>But Arya sits in the forge with Gendry most days while he works, and is doing a rather impressive job of minding the Brotherhood about staying in the small house a few leagues from the inn or with Gendry in case anyone suspects her. </p><hr/><p>He’s lost count of how many times the Brotherhood has warned him that if he ever touches her like he would if she were lowborn, he would lose his hands. But Arya is nine and ten and Gendry knows as soon as they get her home, she’ll be married. The painful thought keeps him from ever risking his hands. </p><hr/><p>Gendry hates when Anguy talks about girls, even more than he hates when girls talk to him.</p><p>“They’ve got this notch between their legs, and it makes them crazy,” Anguy says. “If you rub it just right, it makes them wetter than a peach.” </p><p>Gendry grimaces and wishes he could just be back in the forge. He wasn’t interested in anyone’s <em> peach </em>, nor was he interested in hearing about the things Anguy liked to do to Jeyne. </p><p>(He couldn’t get Arya out of his head when he thought about any of it, and it made him feel guilty to think of his best friend that way. It’s easier to ignore the lessons Anguy and Lem tried to impose on him than have to deal with fantasizing about Arya when she’s got her body pressed to him at night.)</p><p>“If you rub what right?” Arya asks. She snuck up on them, which is something she was getting rather good at. She crosses her arms and stares at Anguy, who only laughs. </p><p>“This isn’t talk you need to hear, little lady,” he says. </p><p>She rolls her eyes and sits down by Gendry. “Then talk about something else, you arse.”</p><p>Gendry is grateful that he gets to stay in the forge most of the time and doesn’t have to ride with Anguy or the rest of the brotherhood. They talk about worse things when Arya isn’t around. </p><hr/><p>“Gendry,” Anguy sighs. “Gendry, Gendry, Gendry,” he shakes his head and walks into the forge. </p><p>“Get out,” Gendry mutters without looking up from his work. </p><p>“What are you doing all the way out here? Did you see how many girls were inside?” </p><p>Gendry turns away from Anguy and picks up another ruined sword. </p><p>“You really waste what R’hllor has given you.” </p><p>“And what’s that?” Gendry finally huffs. </p><p>“Girls love you.” </p><p>“Let me work.” Anguy leaves the forge and Gendry sighs. He’s wrong about one thing. The only girl he wants doesn’t love him. </p><hr/><p>Nymeria’s taken a liking to Gendry since Arya found her again and Gendry’s taken a liking to her. He saves a scrap from the table every night for her and she lets him rub her head in exchange. </p><p>He likes that she stays by Arya’s side always, except for inside the inn, since Jeyne shooed her out the first time. She didn’t want Nymeria scaring away any of her business. </p><p>She hunts at night and Gendry is with Arya, then. </p><p>And Anguy’s scared of her. </p><hr/><p>“Do you ever think about getting married?” Arya asks. </p><p>“Married?” Gendry nearly hits his head when he pulls up from the basin. </p><p>She nods. “You could marry whoever you wanted,” she says, and Arya has never been more wrong. </p><p>“Aye, I think about it.”</p><p>“And?” </p><p>“And I think about it. I don’t know.”</p><p>“Who would you want to marry?”</p><p>And if Gendry was leaning over he probably would’ve almost hit his head again. </p><p>“No one yet.”</p><p>“Hmm.”</p><p>“Who would you want to marry?”</p><p>“I try not to think about who I’d want to marry much since I would never be able to.” </p><p>“You could marry Ned Dayne. He’s a lord and you’re a lady,” Gendry says and hates it. It isn’t enough that Ned is friendly and draws Arya’s company when he’s around, but he has to be fucking highborn, too.</p><p>“I do <em> not </em> want to marry Ned Dayne.” The annoyance in her voice shocks him, but he would be lying if he said it didn’t please him. “Besides that, that’s not really how it works. My parents would choose, but since they aren’t around, my sister would probably get to choose.” </p><p>He doesn’t ever talk about her family since he knows the only person she has left is her sister, and she doesn’t even know if her sister is truly alive or not. </p><p>“I don’t really think marriage is the first thing on lords’ and ladies’ minds in the middle of a war.”</p><p>“It is,” Arya mutters and Gendry almost winces. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” he says. </p><p>“It doesn’t matter,” she says, but Gendry sees her blink hard a few times. </p><hr/><p>She doesn’t bring up her talk of marriage again until the next night.</p><p>“What would you do if you were highborn?” Arya asks. And there’s a million better options he could choose, but he responds without thinking. </p><p>“Touch you.” </p><p>Arya sucks in a sharp breath and Gendry curses himself. He might as well kiss his hands goodbye.</p><p>“I wish you were highborn, then,” Arya says. </p><p>Gendry doesn’t know what possesses him to walk towards her. </p><p>“But even if you were… highborn, we’d still have to be married, or… really good at,” she swallows hard and stares at him. “keeping secrets.”</p><p>“Aye.” Gendry stops a couple steps away from the bed. </p><p>Arya stands up, but doesn’t break away from his eyes. </p><p>He waits for Arya to come to him. She reaches her hand out to touch his and she steps so close he can feel her breath on his chest. </p><p>“You can kiss me,” she says, and Gendry doesn’t have the will to reject her.</p><hr/><p>He tries to forget all the crude things the Brotherhood tells him about girls, but with Arya in front of him, he desperately wants to remember something. </p><p>He remembered hearing that he couldn’t just stick his cock in and out of her fast (which sounded like it would feel pretty great, but he didn’t know as much as Anguy or Lem, so he was going to trust them on that), but he had to start off slow until she asked him to move faster. </p><p>But that doesn’t really help him much since he won’t put his cock in her, even though the mere thought of it right now is almost enough to get him off, he isn’t going to dishonor her. </p><p>He moves his fingers down, running them through her hair, and then lower. She digs her nails into his forearm and presses a kiss to his arm in front of her mouth. Gendry grunts, and with the way she’s rubbing against him, he’s sure to come already. Unless he puts an end to touching her, but Gendry knows he can’t stop unless she wants him to.</p><hr/><p>She falls back against him and rests her head on his chest. She tilts her head up to smile at him. “What other secret talents do you have?” Arya murmurs. </p><p>Gendry blushes and rubs his fingers on her thighs. “Not many,” he admits. </p><p>“Show me?” </p><p>He leans down to kiss her again.</p><hr/><p>Gendry moves back to the cot in the corner of the small room as soon as Arya falls asleep. There were a few nights when it had been so cold that Gendry slept in the bed, but he wouldn’t dare sleep in it tonight when it was an unusually warm evening and the Brotherhood was expected back at first light. </p><hr/><p>The men hoot with good news when they come back and they pound their fists against the door. Gendry sits up and looks over at Arya. The sheet had fallen down when she sat up, and she never redressed when Gendry moved to the cot. </p><p>He rubs his eyes and tosses Arya her tunic and tries to hand her any other discarded clothing to put on or hide under the sheet. </p><p>Lem is the first to speak when Gendry unbars the door. </p><p>“You’re going home, Princess! And we’re gonna be rich!”</p><p>“We aren’t,” Beric reminds. “The money goes towards new supplies and the inn.”</p><p>The meaning hits him. </p><p>“Home?” Arya cuts in. </p><p>“Home,” Beric nods. “Your brother has taken back the north. Harwin is taking you home, Princess.”</p><p>“All my brothers are dead,” Arya reminds. </p><p>“Not Jon. Not our Azor Ahai.” </p><hr/><p>Gendry busies himself with his work while Arya asks more questions about her brother and home. He beats a dented breastplate so hard he ends up bending it the other way when he’s done. He tosses it aside and reaches for something sturdier. </p><p>Arya walks into the forge later. She shuts the door behind her and sits down on one of the anvils facing him. She used to sit there all the time and watch him work. But that was before. </p><p>“I’ve got to go home,” Arya says. “Come with me.”</p><p>Gendry turns his head away. He wouldn’t be welcome there. He has spent the past seven years knowing this day would come eventually, but after last night, he selfishly wishes the Brotherhood never found out about her brother. </p><p>He’s stupid. He’s stupid for believing there could ever be a way where Arya could be back in her world and still have Gendry. </p><p>“I don’t want to,” Gendry lies. “My place is here and your place is there.” </p><p>“But… but I thought…” She bites down on her quivering lip. </p><p>“You thought what? That I loved you?” He spits. And every word he says feels like it’s tearing through him, but what else can he say? That he wants her to forget her brother and stay at the Crossroads and be the bastard blacksmith’s wife? </p><p>“Gendry,” Arya whispers. Her eyes well up and Gendry looks away again. </p><p>“Go on. We had our fun, but you need to go home now.”</p><p>Arya takes a breath. “I hate you.” </p><p>Gendry squeezes his hammer to keep himself from crying. He refuses to look at her again. Eventually, the forge door slams shut and he hurls the hammer across the forge. </p><p>He doesn’t see Arya again before she rides off the next morning with Harwin in the rain. </p>
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